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December 13th, 2004


10:01 pm - I've said goodbye to my uterin lining and it's fast approaching hour 4 at the library
A disasterous portfolio crit only proved what i've know for most of this semester. I've lost most of my creative inspiration probably due to the fact that all i do now is study politics, and my work- "though rendered accurately, lacks spark or imagination". After i had been made to feel thoroughly awful for wasting something i can't even grasp, my teacher told me i should start visiting museums and galleries for some kind of motivation. So over break i plan on seeing everything nyc has and maybe that will fix this. So if anyone knows of any good shows coming up, let me know?
Current Mood: buggered

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December 11th, 2004


02:23 am
1.PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS OUT, NOW HOW DID YOU GET IT
my right knee. my babysitter decided i needed to learn how to ride a bike by letting go of me and just telling me to pedal really fast

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
pink sparkle bag, whitesnake poster i got for my birthday, a monet replica, guided by voices, rainert maria, stero total, dresden dolls

3. WHAT SPORT WOULD YOU SAY YOU ARE BEST AT?
soccer, bitches.

4. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE?
mick jagger was chasing me down bleeker street ( with a knife, so he could kill me) and as i was running my shoes turned to pizza slush and i couldn't run. And then paul mccartney and joh n lennon ate my ears.

5. HOW DO YOU EXERCISE?
walking from the library to my dorm

6. APPLES OR ORANGES?
apples

7. GRAPES OR WATERMELON?
well, this is an ambiguous question because grape flavoring is awful, but actual grapes are great.

8. WOLVES OR TIGERS?
Tigers. always go with tigers.

9.WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
classic rock, indie, 1st wave punk, experimental, prog emo

10. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
whatever time the vagina dilated

11. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?
i do alot of weird things

12. FAVORITE CANDY (NON CHOCOLATE)?
something sour

13. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA ICE-CREAM?
vanilla

14. DO YOU OWN ANYTHING LEATHER?
belts

15. where did the question go? HUH?


16. FAVORITE PERFUME?
elizabeth arden- green tea

17. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON SOMEONE (OPPOSITE SEX)?
hair

18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
boy

19. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIc?
all the time

20. COULD YOU EVER SEE YOURSELF MOVING FROM WHERE YOU ARE?
are you for real?

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE OF ALL TIME?
little fucking mermaid!

22. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
they change

23. HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
gay

24. IF SO WHAT WAS/IS IT'S NAME?


25. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
bugs bunny, no joke

26. MOST EMBARRASSING CHILDHOOD MOMENT?
probably peeing myself

27. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
flattering

8. WHO OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS (SAME SEX) HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST?
melanie ralescu

29. NOW THE OPPOSITE?
joh silburger...or michael pareles but he doesn't count because he's gone asian

30. WHAT IS THEIR MIDDLE NAME?
fuck if i know

31. SUNRISE OR SUNSET?
dpends

32. (FOR THE LADIES, BE TRUTHFUL) WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
as i'm popping out my 5th child in some shack in arkensas


33. (NOW THE GENTLEMEN, BE TRUTHFUL) WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?


34. WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES?
i'm anti-cinema


35. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON?
depends on whether who i marry is a history nerd. probably saint petersburg

36. CAN YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?
gah

37. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
no

38. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ?)
a BJ! ha, no. traumatizing.

39. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER?
right now? mirah

40. FAVORITE BAND(s)?
i hate music
41. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
long ones

42. DO YOU LIKE POETRY
not really

43. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?
big and black,like i like my men

44. WHAT's YOUR FAVORITE PHRASE TO USE?
what are we gunna do about the negro problem?

45. DRAGONS OR DINOSAURS?
dinosaurs. do i loook like a gamer?

46. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
nothing in life is certain

47. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
baking a huge cookie that says it on it

48. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
75

49. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?:
black hair

50. WOULD YOU PREFER TO GO ICE SKATING OR ROLLER SKATING?
i used to figure skate

51. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
bryant gumble partyline


52. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
people

53. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
not seriosuly or successfully

54. WHO IS YOUR CURRENT CRUSH?
no one, which is most depressijng of all.
Current Music: mirah- murphy bed

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December 10th, 2004


02:52 pm
god, lucia takes like an hour to brush her teeath. meanwhile i'm sitting here naked except a towel waiting to use the bathroom. I would like to go home. not home. hm. not here. yes. for the time being.

since i can't sleep anymore everything is like one long nightmare. At 5:30 in morning i had to open my door to shout at the people in the living room to stop screaming. If i wasn't leaving in a week i would just get in my car and drive to canada. canada is the new california. go north young son.

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December 9th, 2004


12:15 am - seeing the JEWS
so, i will be visiting the dc/northern virginia area sometime between december 28- january 2nd to see mathew weiss and daniel strauss. if you went to capital camps, or live in this area, and you want to see me, let me know

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December 8th, 2004


01:40 am - I am the model for human efficiency
today I
-scraped off an inch of snow from the circumference of the car
-designed and illustrated the cover for the upcoming issue of Ambergris
-read 2 chapters about Putin's reforms
-gave myself bangs
-bought art supplies for final project
-Final wrote that paper on neo-liberalism in Mexico
-celebrated a birthday
-watched the best asian drag queen volleyball movie ever. with sylvia. cause she's hott.

and before bed i'm going to read the Tolstoy short story for tomorrow's class
Current Music: six organs of admittance- Awaken

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December 7th, 2004


08:57 am
i hate complaining. everything always sounds so trivial the moment it leaves my mouth. But honestly, despite being able to bathe and dress myself, sometimes i find i can't always fix my own problems.

I want to take Russian language next semester, but the class is at *8:30 in the morning, every morning. i need to take it, but that reqiures more than 4 hours of sleep a night, which i cannot get in this mod. how people can stay up till 6 in the morning watching star track and banging every dish in the house eludes me. I have finally met a problem i can't finess my way out of. i guess the answer would be naps, but i feel they're a cop out. to sleep during the day seems like it's giving in. The fact that this issue even has any bearing on what classes i'm going to take is ridiculous. It's just one of the myriad ways i'll be happy whenthis semester, this year, is done.
Current Mood: concerta insomnia

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02:06 am
dallas and i had our first radio show and ya'll missed it.
suckahs!

also, on the request list in the studio someone had put emily brodsky/the vibration and it was really kerzay.
Current Music: tv on the radio

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December 4th, 2004


07:19 pm - dobry fucking den, comrads
this is college, shouldn't i be out having promiscious sex, drinking heavily, and trying mind altering drugs? instead i'm in the mt. holyoke library, pouring over Russian poli sci research books, in an attept to finish an 8 page paper on how perestroika caused the demise of the sovet union by monday. oh, and apparently mt.holyoke has a 24 hour improve shakespeare group and guess where they decided to perform? right outside the fuckign library. entire fucking abridged macbeth being shouted at you while your on your 10th page of notes.
i hate my life.

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December 3rd, 2004


03:04 am
correction: in addition to that, as usual, i feel really embarrassing for telling another person what i'm thinking/thought . I don't think most of you know how much kenetic energy is going on under the surface.

this whole weekend will be spent trying to get my work done so i don't have a total breakdown.

also, it's not natural to be up this late with so much energy. it's dayquil.

i hate how all my entries are so disjointed, but this is really how i think. It's like less poetic james joyce. these things just kind of pop out in an entirely unlinear fashion.

Note to self: work alot over winter break so you can have money and one less thing to worry about.
don't do jan term.
let hair grow, do not assault with scissors whenever you see a stray hair.
don't put faith in the opposite sex unless they've proven themselves worthy in advance.
lose 6 pounds ie. no more chocolate cake
call andrew bernero because you miss him
go to montreal soon
make packages for melanie and emily collins
make div 1 appointment
return old keys to GE office
take care of yourself
buy real people food
apply for foreign travel jobs for this summer
spoon more
take things more seriously
buy a new bag you hobo
clean out the fucking car, i swear to god there are still crackers on the floor from my birthday
speak up when something is pissing me off
find someone crushworthy
visit strauss, matt weiss
change various screen names so people won't think i was dropped on my head as a child
*make latkas*
talk my parents out of buying me an ipod
hang fucking flyers for street team!
write articles for ambergris and the climax
do photo projects
get orthodontist appointment
get better at being bitchy
keep in touch with people better
decorate room
do laundry/ towel left in car
pay parkign tickets
meet with sue darlington
writing center appointment
drink more and in higher volume
resend book review to stephen jones
design ambergris cover
C.A.
find out about NoHo soccer
be better
get sushi
find a les georges leningrad cd
go to a TB sanitorium
buy the new david sedaris
read satre
paint more pictures
drive to brooklyn and unload all that clothign i don't want
hook up printer
improve life outlook
buy blank cds
dignity paper
2 zapatista pictures
new year's?




wow...no wonder i'm crazy

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02:22 am
i hope that it's just that i'm about to get my period. i feel so inadequate in every possible way.

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